Twas the night before Christmas, when all over the field,
Not a player was stirring, as the 2014 season had been sealed.
The bats were stacked in the clubhouse with care,
In hopes that a winning season soon would be there.
The Phillies were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of trophies danced in their heads.
And Ruben without a contract tucked under his cap,
Had just settled down for a long off-season nap.
When outside of his house, there arose such a clatter,
Ruben sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window he stumbled, half asleep,
Having woke from a nightmare of a 2014 repeat.
The man in the moon stared down in discontent,
As he wondered why nothing good came of all the money Ruben had spent.
When what to his weary eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh filled with many kegs of beer.
With many little pint glasses, so shiny and thick,
He knew in a moment, this would do the trick.
More rapid than the trade deadline, forward the new recruits all came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
“Now, Trout! Now, Stanton! Now, Kershaw and Hernandez!
Hey, Dodgers! Hey, Red Sox! Please trade us some talent!
To the top of my wish list! To the top of them all!
Now sign away! Sign away! And play some Phillies baseball!”
And then, in a twinkling, Ruben heard, “You are one crazy man!”
From the shouting of drunken All-Star players who have better plans.
As he drew in his head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney, Pat Gillick came with a bound.
He was dressed all in pinstripes, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
With a bundle of money he had flung on his back,
He looked like an interim president, ready to go on the attack.
Gillick spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Cleaning up Ruben’s mess, who has been such a jerk.
And with thunderous joy, the fans clapped their hands,
Only one more year of Ruben means soon there might be a better plan!
Gillick then sprang to the sleigh, and to his team gave a call,
“Hang in there everyone, soon we will have better baseball!”
But they heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
“Happy Holiday’s to all and to all a good night!”
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