Philadelphia Phillies Fans 2011 New Year Resolutions

240A2.jpgSpring training is still many weeks away, but it is never too soon to begin thinking about the upcoming baseball season.  For Phillies fans, the promise of the new quartet of ace starting pitchers and a ballclub full of rested, healthy players breeds excitement.

But before one becomes overwhelmed with anticipation, all fans should sit down and make a practical list of important New Year Resolutions.  Here are a few to get you started.

1. Do not grumble every time Ryan Howard strikes out.  You should expect this by now.

2. Do not succumb to peer pressure by participating in The Wave.  Sit on your hands if you have to.  I hereby declare The Wave to be officially silly.

3. Stop tweeting the game play by play.  If someone owns a computer and is reading your tweets, you are likely safe in assuming that they also own a TV or a radio for which to see or hear the game.

4. To show the compassion and understanding of all great Phillies fans, offer free hugs to Mets fans.  After all, they are human beings too.

5. Unglue yourself from the computer and swear off fantasy baseball.  You can in fact have a life.

6. On Dollar Dog Night, limit yourself to a five dog maximum.  Take the other $15 dollars you saved and donate it to Phillies Charities.  Your stomach will thank you.

7. For the men: Please wear a shirt to ballgames.  You are not as sexy as you think.

8. For the women: Has your mother never told you that crack kills?  Please wear pants that fit.  Some men may disagree, but all the small children and their parents at the game will be eternally grateful.

9. For the parents: Please buy the super-cool foam finger for your kid after the game is over.  If all I see during a Chase Utley home run is a red foam finger, I will be forced to sit in front of you and break resolution #8.

10. Do not yell at the umpires for being blind.  The Americans With Disabilities Act says that blindness is a handicap and therefore, it is politically incorrect to poke fun at blind people.

I wish you all a safe and happy New Year!


Photo by Jenn Zambri Photography

*Read more about the Phillies at my other home page, Phightin’ Phils Phorum in the My Team Rivals network*




  1. raysrenegade

    Great list of resolutions. And with just a hair over 6 week so of fhe first toss between pitchers’ and catchers’, you got time to get them cemented into your mind for the 2011 season.
    I am not sure if I can reframe from making remarks to the Umpires. Heck my favorite line is still: “Hey Ump, is your strike zone getting blinded by the lights?”
    Seriously, great list of resolutions, and let’s hope some of the last ones are not discarded before theend of the first Spring Training game in Clearwater.
    Mine might be no more Lenny’s Firehouse omelettes with extra hot sauce in 2011…..but I love them so much, along with that mini fireman’s hat.

    Rays Renegade

  2. devilabrit

    Great resolutions, although not sure I could get on with number 4 and I sometimes tweet my screams at home runs, and blind is not something I normally call an umpire.. LOL

    Have a Happy and Safe New Year Jenn…:-)

    Phillies Outside

  3. blithescribe

    Your list is hilarious! I love the way you write – found this through the main MLBlogs link and recognized you from She-Fan’s blog. I completely agree about the wave. It’s strictly for those who lack the attention span to watch a baseball game. Can we yell at the umpires for being stupid then? That’s more the crux of the issue, has nothing whatsoever to do with their vision handicap and is not yet a protected status that I’m aware of, LOL.
    – Kristen

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