Since tonight’s Phillies-Mets game totally sucked, unless you are a Mets fan, let us begin with the really humorous news from the day. Seriously, get ready to giggle. It turns out that Ryan Madson has a rather large skeleton in his closet. No, not the kind that involves hot pink 3-inch heels and a lace thong….the real shocker is that Ryan Madson HATES chairs. No really, he hates chairs….and blown saves, of course.
Despite the fact that chairs are both inanimate and inherently non-threatening, Madson holds incredible, furious anger towards these raised sitting surfaces.
After his blown save in San Francisco against the Giants on Thursday, this pent up rage finally got the best of poor Ryan. He reared back and with all his might, kicked a clubhouse chair right where it hurts; in the leg.
But the chair battled back in an effort to defend its honor as a useful household item. Apparently, the chair stood tall against Madson, who found himself walking away with a broken toe and a 15-day stint on the disabled list. That chair was not going down without a fight. Madson, on the other hand, is now down and out, having embarrassed himself and let down his teammates.
Damn those pesky chairs! Oh, and I suppose the blown save did not help either. But certainly, we do not expect Madson to take this humiliation sitting down. Have I perhaps taken the clever analogies too far? Maybe…but then again, I do have a strong hatred for boring and uncreative writing. Lucky for me, this anger management issue is unlikely to result in a broken toe.
However, tonight’s mega-choke against the Mets is likely to cause serious brain injury. Yes, I have a major headache after watching Kyle Kendrick crush all my hopes and dreams of a happy evening. On 5 hits and a walk, Kendrick allowed 4 runs, including 3 homers in just 5 innings.
As if that were not bad enough, the bullpen struck again. Danys Baez was unimpressed with those 4 runs in 5 innings and said, hey, I can do that in just ONE inning! And so he did. Take that Kendrick! But wait, there is more…Brad Lidge returned from the DL and the first batter he faced smacked a home run to left. The third batter singled to right. And that ended the evening for Lidge.
You are waiting to hear about the offense, but do not hold your breath…there was no offense. The Phillies scored a totally amazing ONE run! Awesome.
I know what you are thinking; this must be April fool’s day, right? It cannot possibly be THAT bad. Sorry to disappoint; this is not a joke. The only good news for this team is that April is over. Because the last few weeks have been an absolute nightmare and tonight’s 1-9 loss was the month-old, rotting icing on the moldy cake. Let us hope the April Showers really do produce May Flowers…
Madson photo by Jenn Zambri Photography